Toy Story: It truly never gets old, and reminds me that neither should I

Toy Story
Starring: Voices of Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Wallace Shawn, John Ratzenberger, Don Rickles, Annie Potts, Laurie Metcalf, Jim Varney
Director: John Lasseter
Screenwriters: Joss Whedon, Andrew Stanton, Joel Cohen, Alec Sokolow
Year: 1995
Major Award Wins: Special Achievement Award from The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to John Lasseter for the development and inspired application of techniques that have made possible the first feature-length computer-animated film

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Number 99 on the AFI 100 Movies list: Toy Story. That visionary, groundbreaking tale of a cowboy, a spaceman, and their Andy; the movie that established the virtually unknown team at Pixar as genius storytellers.

First Impression: “So excited, so excited! Kids, be quiet, it’s starting! Mommy’s trying to listen! Shh…. Well, hmm… that kid is creepier looking than I remembered…”

Let’s start here: I’ve seen Toy Story. A lot. Like, a whole lot. I have two children. And when my now-7-year-old was about 2, it just played in a constant loop in our house. Between the original and its (in my opinion) superior sequel, there was a good year of my life when it was all Woody and Buzz, all the time. My youngest—my daughter—is a Jessie fan, so she naturally sees no need to watch the first Toy Story. So, it’s actually been awhile. And for this little experiment, that was a good thing.

Being that for at least the past year, the Pixar movies I’ve seen most recently have been Inside Out (obviously), The Incredibles, Up! and Toy Story 3, and the holiday-themed Toy Story specials, I was actually really surprised by how (forgive me, John Lasseter) crude the animation was. I’m talking specifically about the humans. Andy, his mom, the birthday party kids, Sid and his kid sister were creepy as hell. It’s Uncanny Valley territory for sure, and I’m so glad that Pixar figured this out. It’s a little disturbing. The toys themselves still look great. If you’ve recently seen T.S. 3, you can definitely see how much better they are now, but it still holds up. And being that we’re talking about 25-year-old animation, that’s really saying something.

So, now what else can I talk about? I could probably dazzle you by pointing out the delicious little Easter Eggs and “Did you know?!” facts. I won’t do that. I could blow your mind with a completely amazing theory about Andy’s mom. But, nah. I could even delight you with the behind-the-scenes knowledge of how they convinced Tom Hanks to be Woody. But you don’t want to see that. (Side note: You totally, 100% want to see that.)

Instead, let me just give you a run down of the things that jumped out at me that never really hit me before this viewing:

1. Holy crap, Joss Whedon was the screenwriter?! How did I not already know that? Note to self: Check out his IMDB page to see what other masterpieces are “hiding” in his resume. And while you’re at it, be sure to check if there’s any new news on a Dr. Horrible sequel.
2. Shouldn’t the plot of Toy Story 2 really have been Slinky’s revenge? I mean, until Buzz came along, Woody and Slinky were clearly besties. Never mind Woody and Andy—the real tragedy of Buzz’s arrival is that Slinky Dog totally got pushed aside while Buzz squirmed into the coveted number 2 spot! Never forget, Slinky! Never forget.

   

   And after all he did to save him, too.

3. What. The. Hell. is up with Andy’s mom’s pants? Even for 1995. Was there no woman at Pixar willing to stand up and say, “No! No, no, no. No self-respecting single mom would be caught dead wearing those leggings. For the love of God, put that woman in a nice, comfortable pair of jeans.”

I mean, seriously, what the hell?

4. What is wrong with Sid’s parents that they don’t see the psychopath they are raising? We should all be thankful that he showed up as a garbage man in Toy Story 3 and not an intruder at Sunnyside Daycare. In hindsight, I wonder if—in this post-Columbine, -Virgina Tech, -Sandy Hook, -Aurora Colo, world–would they still have made Sid quite so creepy? Long ago, it was “What a little jerk!” Now, it’s downright unnerving.

5. God Bless Randy Newman. You know in movies when they say that “New York, itself, is a character.” That’s how I feel about Randy’s music here. It might as well be a narrator, but a narrator that makes your toes tap, or your eyes well up with tears. It’s just perfection, dammit.

Best quote: “I don’t believe that man has ever been to medical school.” – Buzz Lightyear

Final impression: Totally holds up. Aside from the creepy human animation, this feat was downright revolutionary. And the story itself? Impeccable. Let’s be honest with each other, you have—at some point—looked at your kids’ toys and made a little extra effort. You placed them gently on the bed instead of tossing them in the corner. You felt bad when your kid pushed a former favorite aside when a shiny new one was unwrapped on Christmas morning. Hell, you even walked downstairs in the middle of the night, saw the dolls grouped together on the couch and wondered to yourself, “Did I just walk in on something?” That didn’t exist before this movie. Pixar and Toy Story did that. And that ain’t nothin’.

Final rating: 4 out of 5 birthday candles

Chris O’Meter: I watched this one with the kids, not Chris. We had a busy week and, in an effort to not fall behind, I needed to watch it and still get the kids to bed on time. In fairness, he does enjoy this movie so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt that he would have made it all the way through.

Next up: James Cagney sings and dances… and apparently doesn’t kill anyone. Boo!